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I strongly suspect that perseverance and a bit of luck were also major factors.

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So I invited people whose so-so sex lives improved after the wedding to write in.

And did they ever: My inbox is packed with e-mails from couples whose sex lives got better after the wedding. But we were both in our early 40s and ready to settle down.

at first but—holy moly—the sex got a fuck of a lot better after the wedding," I wrote in my response to IMDONE.

I did allow for the possibility that my sample was skewed; people with good sex lives don't write to tell me everything's fine.

When I met my wife, our sex life was okay—but I was never fully present, because I would have to concentrate on my fantasies in order to sustain an erection. My wife knew I was masturbating in the middle of the night instead of having sex with her, and that led to some enormous fights.

So I told her about my kink, fully expecting that it would result in the collapse of my marriage.

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We didn't speak about it for a week, and then she calmly asked me if I wanted to do this with her instead of just watching porn about it. I have some physical ailments that can make sex painful.

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